There’s a new branch on the family tree. My nephew and his wife just had a baby. Her name is Aria and the family is all a flutter over her. She arrived in the usual way and all concerned are doing well.

You know it’s funny. I never wanted kids, and in that regard I have been spectacurly successful. This did made me wonder about the two of them though. You see, while I’m happy for them, I’m also a bit puzzled. They have a great life. Success, fame, money, a nice house, they travel, they have a great thing going. I just cannot understand why they wanted to add a leaking, squalling, smelly, thing that will be the source of untold stress into the mix. I just don’t get it.

When I was a kid I never saw myself having kids when I grew up. It just wasn’t something I even concidered. When I was older I got the same pressures from family and friends about having kids. “So are you planning a family?” “So when will we see our grandchildren?” “You know, you’re not getting any younger.” But it was just something I could not see myself doing. My mom even tried the old “Oh you’ll feel different when they are your own.” ploy, but I didn’t fall for it. It felt too much like the pusher saying, “Just try meth once and see if you like it.” Nope, nope nope, not gonna’ fall for it. Not gonna get into that trap. Once you have them, you’re stuck with them, forever. I didn’t want kids and the hope that I’d like them after they got here was a risk I just was not willing to take. Exposure to nieces and nephews as they were growing up reinforced this feeling. I was not and am not parent material. I didn’t want the expense, the stress, and most of all the responsibility of something I just would not get much happiness out of. Fortunately my wife is of like mind. I didn’t want to raise them and she didn’t want to carry them. We’re a good pair that way.

So when they announced that they were expecting I took my nephew and his wife aside and told them quite seriously “If you need anything don’t hesitate to call. We’re always there for you. We’ll do whatever we can to help. Keep in mind though that I have never changed a diaper and I have no interest in learning.”

That seems like a fair compromise.